to remember everything you've asked of
me, to gather a few stolen moments in
silence to maybe learn how to silently
sob while the afternoon slips away like
wind through the gap above the storm
door. this is me in constant fear of
losing my faculties, like my father did—
me sitting in a chair staring into the
nothingness of a too still house. this
is me cataloging everything i regret in
a poem—me thinking about all the times
my depression makes you angry. this is
me trying to forget about the twist in
my stomach, the ways you're always ready
to casually discard me like plucked hair
from your sweater. this is me remembering
my mother's constant disappointment—
potential, like a coffee cup, left in the
corner of a dank alley. i still want to
matter somehow. i still think there is
something left to give in this donation
bin body.
☕ Kendall A. Bell's poetry has been most recently published in Fevers Of The Mind and Ghost City Review. He was nominated for Sundress Publications' Best of the Net collection seven times. He is the author of three full length collections, "The Roads Don't Love You" (2018), "the forced hush of quiet" (2019) and, "the shallows" (2022), and 34 chapbooks, the latest being "all the things that will be lost". He is the publisher/editor of Maverick Duck Press and editor and founder of Chantarelle's Notebook. His chapbooks are available through Maverick Duck Press. He lives in Southern New Jersey.