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this is me trying 🪞 Kendall A. Bell

to remember everything you've asked of

me, to gather a few stolen moments in

silence to maybe learn how to silently

sob while the afternoon slips away like

wind through the gap above the storm

door. this is me in constant fear of

losing my faculties, like my father did—

me sitting in a chair staring into the

nothingness of a too still house. this

is me cataloging everything i regret in

a poem—me thinking about all the times

my depression makes you angry. this is

me trying to forget about the twist in

my stomach, the ways you're always ready

to casually discard me like plucked hair

from your sweater. this is me remembering

my mother's constant disappointment—

potential, like a coffee cup, left in the

corner of a dank alley. i still want to

matter somehow. i still think there is

something left to give in this donation

bin body.

Kendall A. Bell's poetry has been most recently published in Fevers Of The Mind and Ghost City Review. He was nominated for Sundress Publications' Best of the Net collection seven times. He is the author of three full length collections, "The Roads Don't Love You" (2018), "the forced hush of quiet" (2019) and, "the shallows" (2022), and 34 chapbooks, the latest being "all the things that will be lost". He is the publisher/editor of Maverick Duck Press and editor and founder of Chantarelle's Notebook. His chapbooks are available through Maverick Duck Press. He lives in Southern New Jersey.


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