Phillip (19M)
Very interested in Google Street View, analyzes the urban environment and tries to get a feel for the place. His default activity when bored is Street View
Very stingy with money, subtly tries to get people to do things for him so he doesn’t have to spend money
Likes buses, trains, dumpsters, parking garages, and trash cans
Has to hang out with someone on Friday AND Saturday or he feels insecure
When on a plane, likes to look at the map of where the plane is rather than watch an in flight movie
Thinks it’s cool that coyotes eat pets because he’s anti-development
Basically an ecofacist
On a political high horse because he recycles; talks about how America and cars are bad a lot
Uncontrollably spews nasty insults
Once watched 15 episodes of a Turkish TV show with no subtitles. His brother says: “I believe it was called Osmanli Tokadi (Ottoman Slap) and was a comedy about a couple of Turkish janissaries at the siege of Constantinople who accidentally time traveled to modern Istanbul"
Has a magic talent: can find the location of almost any picture you show him
Has stolen traffic cones in his room
His piano teacher suddenly died when he was 8
Joshua (20M)
Goes on Quora
Is writing a novel about the 16 MBTI types vs. an AI. Or at least he tries to, he can’t get around to it. Can’t think of names for characters
Writes bad rhyming poems about people’s MBTI types for their birthdays, is serious about it
Doesn’t care about sunsets “I’ve seen one, seen them all”
Puts pea protein vanilla powder in all his food for flavor
Into keto and meal prep
Taught himself how to masturbate for the first time at the age of 20 using extensive internet research, told everyone the details
Uses the most formal language he can while talking, sounds like 1950s textbook
Idolizes “the great men” eg Winston Churchill, Mozart, Benjamin Franklin
Actually believes in a fringe philosophy called “conscious universe theory”
Obsessed with a still from the movie Amadeus, made Phillip edit the colors so he could get it printed and framed. Accidentally ordered two, one went to Phillip’s roommate Owen, which he threw away promptly
Has no taste or sense of aesthetic, mom buys all clothes for him
Owns a shirt with the presidents walking across the street like the Beatles holding Confederate flag and “Don’t tread on me” flag with caption “There’s gonna be a revolution”
Owns a shirt with Uncle Sam holding an eagle and the eagle is saying “tell me another story about freedom”
Needs to read a plot description before watching a movie
Likes Andrew Yang
Says “hb” to people on their birthday
Cameron (21M)
Made Lego stop motion movies, one has 350k views
Used to do oil painting
Really into international cuisine, says “Good stuff!” and chews with his front teeth, eats like a food critic
Sniffs what food you’re making, wants some, tries to make both of you appear like taste connoisseurs
Claims that anyone has the right to say the N word
Has allegedly never masturbated
Sleepwalks
Into online privacy
Refuses to let images of himself appear on social media
Likes satirical political humor media from past decades and puts it on when friends are nearby as if it’s normal, watching contentedly, surprised when others don’t like it
Unexpectedly scared of silence, grasps for topics to talk about
Tries to recreate songs in his head exactly when walking
Claims that being offended is a choice
Idolizes his dad
Against the concept of PDA, believes it should be culturally shunned
Detests online piracy
Eagle Scout
David (23M)
Has his credit card number memorized for online shopping purposes
Creates playlists and seals (like an official government seal type thing) to go along with travel experiences in his life
Says women are “stunning!” and “goddesses!” in an emphatic tone, gross, extremely defensive about this
Only has extremely high self esteem or extremely wounded self esteem
Italicizes words while typing a lot
Gets into huge verbose fights
Was into hats in high school, has collection
Talks as if he is Douglas Adams or Kurt Vonnegut in everyday conversation
Wears clothes too small for his tall frame
Ruined all the photos from a Yosemite trip by using HDR
Wants to build a mansion that has secret rooms that you can only access by doing elaborate Twin Peaks-inspired rituals
Adam (36M)
Plays "pranks" on people like he’s 14
Interested in different types of knots
Very concerned with shirt brands, knows cultural relevance of shirt brands and can discuss them. Also with pants and shoes.
Has “acquisition regret” — whenever he acquires something, especially when it’s for free, he regrets it and ponders over it for days
Gets along well with old men
Paranoid about bedbugs and cockroaches
Once got drunk at restaurant and whispered to Felicia, “Isn’t that guy’s tattoo ugly?” but he said it too loud and tattoo guy heard and got mad
Wanders around at zoo after dark
Once went to a movie theater alone and thought there might be bedbugs so he Googled “AMC Westminster Promenade bedbugs” and found a bedbug complaint about the very auditorium he was in
Writes secret sci-fi stories at work
Has a 1.5 hour playlist of different versions of a standard called “What’ll I Do”
Seamus (27M)
Not curious about biographical info—could wait forever to find out the name of your sibling or where you live. Similarly, rarely talks about his family or friends and almost never uses descriptive details
Not very critical or judgmental, seems to like or be fine with most things
Stuffed animal collection
Uses green screen as an artistic medium
Plays banjo and trombone among other instruments, was in school band
Has read Elliot Rodger’s manifesto and the Unabomber manifesto
Wears baseball hats a lot
Goes to bed at 10:30 and wakes up at 7:45
Had a pet tarantula named Eddie
Has really big tattoo of skeleton holding a sheep on his torso
Went to the country club a lot as a child
Horrible memory
Not inclined to have sentimental/intensely emotional discussions
Runs vile meme account
Was planning to be a doctor, abandoned that ambition
Resembles a pool noodle when standing up
Won 4 different departmental awards at high school graduation because the teachers didn’t coordinate to avoid the same person winning 4 awards
Unusual fondness for emojis
Is a fuckboy but thinks he’s a good person because he has anarchist abolitionist politics
Adelaide (25F)
Really into true crime
Likes ordering Japanese clothing and ceramics online
Went through a phase where she was obsessed with hay bales
Has read every entry on the Charley Project multiple times
Wears a small leather backpack
Left a single radio station on in the car for a drive across half the country
Whistle (33NB)
Communication is a total hit or miss—you will get 100% of their attention or none, and can switch between the two suddenly
Writing multiple unintelligible postmodern novels
College thesis was a series of blacklight posters
Has extensive list of woman names to adopt in the future (transgender) that are all things like “Effusiva Proboscis” and "Tetra Longshadow”
Does not mind talking about farts
Worked at Toys-R-Us for a year after graduating college, stole tons of stuff
Worst sleep schedule I have ever known of, is often up all night, once stayed up 3 days in a row
Owns a Magic Eye VHS tape
Loved scented markers as a child. Also wore costumes or parts of costumes everywhere
Works at a BBQ place “I assemble barbecue salads, the most femme job in barbecue”
Can pull uncannily accurate words and descriptions out of thin air, special talent. Also likes making up words, wanted to use the word “filigreeesquely” in Mad Libs
From South Carolina, dad collects Nazi memorabilia
Loves arcades
Has rotating Christmas lights in their shower and bedroom
Gets checks, immediately blows them, never uses what they buy
Has had black and white cats their whole life, a cat was there when they were born. Has a somewhat gross intimate relationship with their cat
Apartment looks like one of those museums that’s just one guy’s collection of weird stuff
Is dorky and easily embarrassed but in a way likes that about themselves
Is enthusiastic about a cryptid tourist attraction called “Jake the Alligator Man”
Tara (21F)
As mostly reported by my younger sister, Grace
There’s this restaurant with a sign on it that says “Eats” but that’s not the name of the restaurant. Tara said, ‘Is Eats a good restaurant?” in an upbeat tone
Made out with drunk guy at party and acted like victim
Tried to pretend that she liked The Smiths but she claimed she liked the song "Stretch Out and Wait" which is obviously their worst song
Likes the horrible Sublime derivative band Ballyhoo
Invited herself to Halloween: said “Are you out to your mom” to Zach. Zach was like “Yeah.” Tara said “Are you out to your dad” and Zach said “He’s dead” then Tara cried.
Puts on lip balm with a perfectly O shaped lip
Spoke on phone with boyfriend at Grace’s family dinner table, wouldn’t stop when Mom asked her to
Dated alt right man
Wrote “my fit is fire” on Snapchat
Slapped guy and got someone to secretly take video of it, video went mildly viral
"Wes is using me for my body" about a guy she’s hooking up with who she claims she's not emotionally attached to
Took Grace to Korean BBQ, didn't understand how it worked, got one small meat order, made Grace help pay. It was Grace's birthday
Said Jewish people had big noses. When confronted, said it was not racist because Jewish people are not a race
Asked “is this record single play”?
Bought thousands of dollars in makeup but wears it once every 2 months, now wears false eyelashes constantly
Babysits round the clock and lets it interfere with literally everything and spends tons of money on the kids
While Grace was driving, Tara went into Grace’s Snapchat memories and texted herself multiple random selfies of Grace. Tara later printed them out and displayed them over her bed at college in a picture frame. Grace didn’t find out until Tara tweeted sexy underwear pics with the Grace pics hanging in the background
Slept on floor of friend’s ex-boyfriend’s sister’s bedroom face-down next to dog shit instead of celebrating the person’s birthday “Oh I’m just tired"
Dated scrawny guy with questionable facial hair named Ashtin and did picnic that looked like an engagement when they only had been dating for 7 weeks. Rose petals, champagne in ice bucket, empty Polaroid frames to put future Polaroids in, Instagram gallery, beach, fairy lights, candles, chocolate strawberries, rose in gelatin (? was the subject of heated debate for weeks) yet wants to break up with him
Snapchatted Grace image of BDSM setup with handcuffs and rope
Obsessed with being bi, makes statuses about it on Twitter, Ashtin always comments “Love you my bi babe”
Put pierced ear on Instagram but it was fake
Talked to her mom about her sex life in detail, description of rim job, talks loudly for friends to hear
Tweets about sex toys
Obsessed with woman cashier at a clothing store, talked about her “partner” who is a man to seem more queer to cashier
Spent an entire weekend and multiple hundreds of dollars cleaning an ex lover’s apartment even though he repeatedly asked her to leave
Tweeted “feeling witchy feeling sapphic”
Blackmailed a guy into giving her hundreds of dollars because she got diagnosed with HPV and claimed it came from him
C. Stone (26F)
Only drinks Dr. Pepper on airplanes, also likes sitting in the middle seat of airplanes
Collects stuffed animals
Makes creepy zines out of stolen social media photos
Cannot stop having crushes on dysfunctional men; eg married man, broke 50 year old dad, guy regularly beaten by ex-girlfriend. Has spreadsheet of all of it
Total conversation hog
Unusually excited about Bass Pro Shops and tries to go to as many as possible