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Kill Rudy Johnson🪞Rudy Johnson

it’s November 21st now

there is a novel JRPG battle system walking through the kitchen

breaking things

nevermind, that’s rudy johnson

kill rudy johnson

[rudy johnson must survive]

>kill rudy johnson

you are too far away to do that

if you want to fight rudy johnson

come up to hallam circle

in malone, ny

“brown house, green car out front”

that’s what rudy johnson writes 

in a love note to a pizza delivery girl

rudy johnson loves the pizza, anyway

having an orgasm 

eyes closed

eating garbage food

that will eventually 

kill rudy johnson


this poem is progress for rudy johnson

because everytime rudy johnson wants to say the “gamer word”

the white sheets word

the n-word

rudy johnson writes ‘rudy johnson’ instead

we don’t want rudy johnsons in our schools

we’re not for integration

rudy johnson is for integration of augmented reality elements

in everything

rudy johnson’s life is augmented reality

insubstantial things coming to life through a mechanical lens

a lens that will eventually

kill rudy johnson

or just cut rudy johnson a little


slack jawed rudy johnson

“i love big pharma”

says one of rudy johnson’s 3 tshirts

one that isn’t the confederate one

two people who aren't the malone village police who can subdue rudy johnson—

the big buck rudy johnson rudy johnson—

can’t subdue anyone right now

for they are dead

ate up by the wages of rudy johnson

rudy johnson gets paid wages for working 2 or 3 days a week,

fucking rudy johnson,

and you can call every business in malone to find out where that workplace is

if you want 

to say bad things about rudy johnson

to get rudy johnson fired

in order to more speedily kill rudy johnson

or you might just send goons to rudy johnson’s house

to beat rudy johnson even more senseless

to beat rudy johnson stupider

to beat rudy johnson at chess, if they’re feeling generous

goons to break rudy johnson’s legs

like a moolie wishbone

“i wish plumbers & pipefitters local union 773

would send a guy

to fix the pipes

at hallam circle”

rudy johnson wishes on busted knees

tibias exposed

like rudy johnson’s crimes after a google search

(assuming the AI-generated one doesn’t find it quicker)

AI beating the game before you


AI beating rudy johnson to a pulp

a higher-tech lynching

hire rudy johnson?

not after this they won’t

after this, the town is going to come pitchforks and all

to kill rudy johnson

rudy johnson will be like the beast in Beauty And...

and a faggot too

who has weird thoughts about belle

and being belle

and bell curves

rudy johnson is sitting there with busted shins 

bleeding out

they have finally done the deed

the mission to kill rudy johnson

is complete


rudy johnson is back 

weaker than ever

now every part of the game loop revolves around

how to save rudy johnson

you’re in the dungeon hacking up monsters

all the monsters are things that rudy johnson dislikes

games, poetry, time to reflect, et cetera

all rudy johnson’s bagginses laid out like the dwarves’ song in the rankin/bass hobbit movie

the song that segues into gandalf’s reflection 

oooh that's what rudy johnson hates

better go back to your airship and save

if you want to save rudy johnson

rudy johnson is like a lemming in the 90’s strategy game

stop the many rudy johnsons that emerge

from jumping off the chateaugay bridge

by turning one of them into a cop 

by handing one an umbrella

by telling one to count down from five, and watching the subsequent explosion

sometimes, letting rudy johnson explode is the only way

to save rudy johnson

maybe the best way to save rudy johnson

is to do it often

so you always have a copy of rudy johnson

in case someone gets it in their head to kill rudy johnson

for example, rudy johnson

whenever rudy johnson enters a new room

save rudy johnson

whenever rudy johnson plays russian roulette

with the two or three hobbies that fulfil rudy johnson

but also kill rudy johnson

save rudy johnson


whenever rudy johnson saves a file to the dropbox

well, you know

but you’d better make sure

when saving rudy johnson

that the game you’re playing isn’t some brainfuck exercise like Doki Doki Literature Club

(hint: it is)

where rudy johnson is manipulating

or otherwise thwarting or subverting or corrupting

your saves of rudy johnson

maybe you just have to get to a point

in your time with rudy johnson

where you’re given the right permissions

so you can have some hope of resetting your playthrough

allow rudy johnson’s brain time to de-worm

a little


get another chance at dialogue with rudy johnson’s many sides,

‘sides, who doesn’t want to replay a game

where every character is rudy johnson 

rudy johnson talking in a redneck voice

rudy johnson talking in a black voice

rudy johnson wearing a burqa

rudy johnson wearing a ski mask

rudy johnson wearing a fascist uniform

rudy johnson eating pizza (again)

rudy johnson eating deer

rudy johnson taking a hunter safety course (say this line like a bostonian jew)

rudy johnson taking a junta safety course (say this line like an estonian collaborator)

who the fuck is rudy johnson?

why would you want to save rudy johnson?





kill rudy johnson.

⚔️ Rudy Johnson (@lynchpoet) sent me a bio that would somehow get me canceled by you unfun weirdos and you don't get to read it. Kill Rudy Johnson. Long live Rudy Johnson.


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